Today, it is that most cruelest of holidays, Valentine’s. The holiday that isn’t, and yet still manages to depress around 90% of the population.

Do I have a date? Yes, I do. With a girl I’ve never met who proposed it herself, as a way of spitting in the face of ol’ Saint Valentine, the guy removed from the liturgy in ‘69 because no one has a clue who he was. (Ain’t the internet great?)

Do I have high expectations? No, not really. First – well, first dates with someone you’ve never met rarely lead to second dates – less than half the time I’d say, too many interlocking as-yet-unseen pieces have to fit. Second, she lives in another city – yes, it’s nearby, it’s an easy jaunt down there, relatively speaking – but still. Things’d better be pretty tight to warrant a continuing thing in this case. Third, expectations are dangerous things.

But mostly, right now, I’m in a low rut. This is a common problem for most edaters I know. Frustration sets in at some point, and you just want to stop. It can be sparked by one particular thing – like an email from a lady sayin’ no thanks – pleasant kisses or no, she doesn’t find you attractive, as is my case at the moment. Doesn’t matter if she wasn’t that attractive to you – in fact, that makes it worse! She should be so lucky, you think.

There can be any other number of triggers: A string of unsuccessful dates. A string of ugly dates (body, mind, spirit – they all pretty much lead to the same kinda ugly as you get to know a person). The frustration that comes from the invisible levels we all subconsciously set for ourselves, and the exhausting numbers game of finding someone who is acceptable to you and you to them.

Or just general fatigue – it’s all about an injured, quivering ego that doesn’t want to face shortcomings again, even if they’re just imagined. Especially if they’re just imagined – nothing can be done about them. Whatever it is, most everyone who enters this game will feel it sometime. There’s only one thing to do.

Rule #12: Soldier On

Smash your head into that wall again – one day, it’ll break. (Which did you think I meant – the head or the wall? Ok – now you know where you are in the process, friend.)

But it might not be a bad idea to take a little rest and marshal your strength. Me, I’m going to Atlanta for a week to visit family, and a brand new niece – my first. First of the next generation at all, in fact. Should be a pretty great, rejuvenating thing. Then I’m going to a chainsaw carving festival in the wilds of Pennsyltucky. Throughout these trips, I’ll flirt with ladies, I’m sure – but nothing beyond keeping the skills sharp.

Yes, when the edating world kicks you a little – and it will, most folks I know get kicked hard at some point – any endeavor that involves the heart you’re getting kicked some time, deal with it – just draw deep, see if there’s something to be learnt (I try not to blame others for problems, but instead see what my half was… I said TRY), balance yourself again, and back out you go.

A few things to remember: This happens to everyone – no, there’s nothing particularly wrong with you – tho maybe you have a complex jigsaw piece, or have set your standards too high, decide during convalescence – taste is an odd thing and it’s impossible to know someone else’s until you test it – and you’re perfect for someone out there.

No, I don’t mean that in the Hallmark way. I mean it in the scientific way – there are millions of eligible available to you, and they’ve all got their own predilections – and for a number of them, those predilections will fit you like a glove. Hopefully, yours will fit them too –if not, try on the next one. Unless you’re so wonderful that they’d use you to play you in the tv series about how wonderful you are, it’ll probably take awhile. That’s alright. Give up, and you’re doomed to be the cat lady, or the creepy guy in the Aloha shirt at the strip club.

So, just remember your deep breaths, and keep at it. I’ve been hearing a lot of frustration from friends in these long dark days of what should be frigid temps – damn you erratic global warming weather, hitting us with spring on V Day, that’s just cruel – and yes, this is one of the hardest stretches right now. But spring is just around the corner. It might be here already (in which case, wow have we fucked up). Just be ready for it – that’s all you can do.