I was nervous driving down.

Now, I suppose that’s a normal reaction – dates are usually pretty nerve-wracking. But – well, I’m totally full of myself here, I don’t get nervous often. I’ve too much experience – after, what, I’d say hundreds of dates in my life, it just doesn’t have the same effect on ya.

But this one was different.

First, I was coming off a bit of a hiatus (and yes, sorry for the delay train wreck fans, but I’m back now). So I figured I might have a little rust to slough off. Not to mention, I’d been hitting sour notes in the lead-up, and who knew if the cloud’d still be there.

Next, this girl had already set up and cancelled a meet once. Her reason seemed legitimate enough, but one never knows if a legitimate reason is just a polite decline. Yet, after a suitable period of time for her to come to whatever terms she needed in her situation, here we were.

I also was playing an away game – driving down to DC, to a neighborhood I’d never been, to a bar I’d never heard of. Doesn’t matter much – but does matter a little.

And this girl was tickling all my fancies. Attractive, fast mind – totally kept up with me, she might’ve even out-paced me a time or two, and I just don’t see that often. Living her life by high ideals, yet not taking herself seriously. Indeed, she was bein’ as silly as they come in the lead-up.

That was the final reason – we hadn’t yet said a serious word to each other. We spoke in code, we took on roles and played them out through our threads, we didn’t know each other’s real names – all extremely fun, but I didn’t know exactly who I was meeting. Nor if we’d speak as ourselves, or role play the whole time. I figured I was ready for either, but not knowing what voice I’d be in the whole way… well, I was nervous.

Did I mention as a bonus that she was a redhead? I completely buy into the fiery redhead thing – I’ve seen it a lot in my dating life. Pretty much a 100% rate.

Anyway, as soon as she came in and we sat down, the nerves went, the conversation lit up – we were ourselves – I made her laugh, she did the same, and it was great.

Well, almost. I was getting the friend vibe – this was too nice and wonderful a lady, too interested in enjoying life, for her to let that get in the way of a good time. But, even as we were conversing and laughing, I felt her drawing back.

And, indeed, after an exactly reasonable amount of time, she said she had to go put together a costume using a nearby friend’s closet – true, I’m sure, but something she coulda shrugged off if she were feeling it.

Later, when she turned down my offer of a second date in the nicest, wittiest way, my suspicions were confirmed. No hard feelings – well, other than a misinterpretation of some rusty Japanese getting further garbled by an interpreter of questionable English command – but we worked through that, no hard feelings.

Tho I’ll be honest – this one hurt. Just ‘cause when ya find a girl so seemingly perfect for ya, you hate to see her get away – and that before you’ve really had a chance.

Rule 89: Don’t Be Hasty

Sometimes, a date will turn your stomach. Whether they are obnoxious, unpleasant, whatever – sometimes you know you don’t like this person and you never will.

That may’ve been the case here. My language and thoughts can veer coarse – I may’ve offended her somewhere in there (tho I’m pretty sure she woulda let me know – not shy this one). Perhaps some statements came off as braggadocio (tho they were just part of the story, or the point – but who’m I defending myself to?). Maybe I didn’t have the hair she needs, or the abs, or the posture. Maybe the garlic fries I ate the day before were still hanging around. Who knows – who cares, that way lies madness, tastes are unpredictable.

But, if you aren’t having your stomach turned… you really owe it to yourself to let the string play out.

eDating lends itself to disposable dates – and disposable dates don’t go anywhere meaningful. You want to know if someone’s right? It takes more than one meeting to get a good feel for a soul.

And if all you’re looking for is that instant click – well, you’re probably missing good folk. And, worse, you’re tending towards shallow relationships and, often, shallow people. Because, let’s be honest – that instant click is almost entirely about sex appeal. Which is fine and wonderful and all – but there’s a reason sex doesn’t really get good ‘til you’ve had a few rounds with a person.

Sometimes that instant click hits, and it’s overpowering – I’ve been on both ends, and it’s an intoxicating drug.

But it’s not the only one. I’ve seen plenty of folks wonder why they’re solo, when they spend all their time searching out faults first, which leads to easy outs, which leads to loneliness.

Don’t be one of them. Take your time.